“Taylor Swift was your Grad Speaker?!”
Nope, she wasn’t! But I did “graduate” from NYU last week.
Last week the NYU Class of 2020 had it's long awaited celebration that, honestly, lived up to my every expectation. As if a graduation isn’t exciting enough, this one felt extra deserved after waiting two very long years with a pandemic, an election, racial movements, among many MANY other events. I left New York City during my senior year on the fateful Friday, March 13, 2020, to go home to California. What I thought would only be a two week excursion later turned into a full cross country move back to the West Coast.
Look, it’s my grad pics from NYC last week AND from my hometown in May 2020. Good times.
It was so special relishing in the celebratory events and dinners, spending time with my family, seeing some friends for the first time in two years, and being back in one of my favorite cities. But with graduation comes the dreaded question, “What now?”
Well, usually.
Here’s the catch: I’m already two years into postgrad life, so the question “What now?” bears a different meaning. Before my Yankee Stadium graduation last Wednesday, I’ve already spent the last two years in the “real world.” I’ve been unemployed, worked more than six odd jobs, got multiple fitness certifications, tried to do the TikTok thing, and asked myself that same infamous question “What now?” dozens of times. What a weird time to graduate college, be in your early 20s, move to a new city, and try to make use of a BFA! And I’m not crying boo-hoo right now, because I know we all went through it. But as a gal in favor of seeing the glass half full, I think we can all at least take one positive from the past two years. Or in my case, six!
Here are 6 (of many) Things I Learned Post Graduation
1. Being an adult is f*cking expensive. Like actually,
Okay you’re probably like “No shit, Tessa—” but before you scroll down, hear me out!
When I was in college, I thought I was a full ass adult. I paid a couple bills, worked part-time, interned full-time in an office, went out to bars, restaurants, grocery shopping, and even paid for my Europe trip. Oh, young Tessa. So naive.
Once you graduate college, you have to pay rent, car insurance (or transportation costs, depending on what kind of city you live in), gas and vehicle upkeep, doctor’s visits, taxes, credit card bills, subscriptions, student loans, and the list goes on. There are lots of things I’m not even listing here that I’m sure appear on my bank statement every month. God, why is being an adult so fucking expensive?
This isn’t meant to cause or trigger anxiety (or maybe I’m projecting, it definitely gives me anxiety) – it’s just a reminder to spend your money mindfully. The goal is to strike a balance between paying the bills, saving up, and enjoying yourself.
The goal is to strike a balance between paying the bills, saving up, and enjoying yourself.
Where’s the fun in saving all your money, and never going out to dinner with friends? Or blowing every paycheck on drinks, and not putting any money in your savings. Again, I’m no financial advisor or budgeting extraordinaire, I’m still trying to figure this shit out too. Especially as a freelancer, some months are cushier than others. Some months are “Help me, I’m poor,” a la Bridesmaids.
This is #1 because it was the biggest reality check for me. I think no matter what you do when you graduate or leave the house, it’s an adjustment. My parents used to call me, “World’s Youngest Teenager,” but oddly enough I now feel like, “World’s Youngest Adult.” Who’s with me?!
2. It’s kinda hard to make friends after college
Growing up, I had theatre friends who I’d see every weekend. My “trio” of best girl friends I’d known since middle school. The yearbook kids (yes, exposing myself here). The family friends I’d known since I was four. Then in college, I had friends from my freshman year dorm. The friends in my major. The friends I’d met in my GE classes. The girls from my sorority. School and circumstances constantly brought me to new people with similar interests. But when you’re not in school, how the hell do you make friends?!
To be fair we were in a global pandemic when I moved to LA, so making friends took a bit longer since we were confined to our homes for a hot sec. Regardless, when you move to a new place as an adult you have to put more effort into meeting people. At first I detested LA because I missed all of my friends in New York. While I of course still miss those friends, meeting new people out here makes life ten thousand times more enjoyable.
If you are looking to make friends, I just say put yourself out there!
Ask your friends if they know anyone in the area, meeting mutual friends is an amazing way to connect with people who you know already share at least one commonality. One of my best friends in LA is another girl from NYU who’s best friends with one of my friends (damn, how many times can I say friend).
Another way to meet people is through work. I’ve met friends in acting classes, through my yoga community, and working the front desk at a gym.
Get a hobby or join a club! Join a surf club, knitting club, bird watching club, whatever! That’s an ideal place to meet people with the same interests as you. And if all else fails, give Bumble BFF a go! I’ve never personally tried it, but some friends of mine highly recommend it.
3. Find a dope routine that’s sustainable, fun, and easy enough– and actually stick to it
I am a creature of habit. A routine gives me a sense of groundedness, comfort, and normalcy– even if the rest of my day is crazy or if my life feels chaotic.
Every routine should be: sustainable, fun, and easy enough. Sustainable so you will do it everyday, fun so you enjoy it, and easy enough so you don’t have any excuse not to.
Every routine should be: sustainable, fun, and easy enough. Sustainable so you will do it everyday, fun so you enjoy it, and easy enough so you don’t have any excuse not to.
Routine looks different to each of us, our lifestyles, our likes and dislikes. There is no one thing that EVERY person should do routinely (besides brushing your teeth).
For me, routine looks like waking up early to do my full skin care routine and make a hearty bowl of oatmeal before I teach yoga. I go to the gym on Tuesdays and Thursdays to feel my strongest. I meditate 5 minutes every night to ground myself. I try a different recipe early in the week to use as meal prep for the week. Make your routine a HABIT!
Again, sustainable, fun, easy, then commit to it. Just give a new routine a month– mark it on a calendar or ask a friend to help keep you accountable.
4. Quit comparing yourself to the people around you. Instead, celebrate!
Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.”
I couldn’t have said it better, Teddy!
It’s so easy to compare ourselves to our friends, siblings, peers, idols, and for me, my expectations of where or what I think I should be. Thoughts like “I wish I was doing that,” or “I should already be there,” have haunted my headspace in the past. But over the past two years, some lovely podcasts, books, and a stellar therapist, I’ve learned to let comparison go. While I slip back into unproductive thinking patterns from time to time, I shift my mindset. I invite you to try it, too.
When you start to compare your life, career, appearance, or whatever to another person, take a step back and reflect. Ask yourself Why do I have that narrative in my head? and Where did those doubts and thoughts come from?
Okay, maybe we sometimes need the push to get up and work, but I'm referring to the times we're unnecessarily hard on ourselves. In which case remind yourself this, “I am doing the best I can.” Your path is different than every other person on this Earth, and wasting time and energy thinking about what someone else is doing is of no service to your NOR a reflection of your value.
So instead, celebrate! Redirect your energy to celebrating another person, their achievement, accomplishment, etc. Why not spend your time putting good energy into the world, rather than indulging the negative thoughts in your head? The way you speak to yourself is imperative, because our thoughts become our reality. So quit being your biggest critic, and start being your number one fan!
So quit being your biggest critic, and start being your number one fan!
5. Be picky about the people and energies you surround yourself with
Referencing that stellar therapist again, she told me, “Friends and partners are the only people in our lives that we get to choose, so choose wisely.”
I think of the many fantastic things she’s said, this one resonates with me most. We don’t get to pick our family members, bosses, coworkers, or random acquaintances in our day-to-day life. However, we do get to pick our close relationships.
I have had some incredible romantic and platonic relationships, and I’ve also had some that weren’t a great fit. For reasons that are now unimportant, they didn’t make me feel good. Why would I willingly choose to give some of my limited time to a person who doesn’t make me feel good? It's not so much as being picky as it is having standards for how you allow your close relationships to make you feel.
I definitely don’t hate any of my former friends or partners; in fact, I cherish the great times and appreciate the lessons they’ve taught me. You don’t need to always have some huge traumatic turning point as permission to end a friendship or relationship. Sometimes it’s differences in personality, values, or simply just drifting apart. I want those people to eat, just not at my table.
I want those people to eat, just not at my table.
Lastly, to drive this long post home,
6. Do at least one thing that brings you joy everyday
In the frightening abyss of post grad life, this is by far the most important thing I’ve learned.
While life can present insurmountable challenges, devastating losses, and unexplainable bliss– we can choose to find joy in every day. From the smallest things like getting out of bed or eating a Fudgesicle, to falling in love or landing that big gig. Prioritize, appreciate, and celebrate your joy.
Well, this post is long enough. These are the things that I’ve learned, and I’d love to hear from you–what’s the most valuable thing you’ve learned thus far in adulthood? Let me know!
Until next time!
Xo, Tessa
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